Such Is The Touch

Such is the touch
Of the Angel Barack
If he petted my dog,
My dog would talk.

If he sat on a lame man's lap
He would walk.
If he picked up a little dead bird
It would squawk.

If he danced with Coldplay
They would rock.
If he wrote a fugue --
Better than Bach!

But if his speech runs long tonight
And makes my DVR screw up Lost,
I'm going to be soooo pissed.

* I haven't listened to a political speech in years. It's not just this guy. If they have something important to say, don't say it. Do it. Or at least say it under oath.

** Also, sorry about the Coldplay thing. That's just too far. Even President Obama can't do anything for them.

Does this mean I'm better than them?

I remember noticing during the last Presidential campaign the tax breakdowns for the Democrat ticket. I also remember hearing then-candidate Obama talk about various ways in which Americans were poor citizens of the world (We need to speak more languages, etc.).

Seeing as conservatives (and particularly libertarians) are routinely bashed by leftists for not caring about the poor just because we don't think that handouts from a faceless distant government actually, you know, help anyone, I decided that they all must be paragons of that particular virtue. Democrats care about the poor. So, obviously that care must translate into action, no? It turns out that Generous!Joy and I gave more money to charity than Joe Biden did in every single year on record, and on a significantly lower AGI. So, if the Vice President is to be looked at as some kind of embodiment of the virtues and positions of his party (help the poor!), I'm even better than him!

As for the President's claim that we need to be better citizens of the world than we are... well, how many languages does he speak? How many? One. That's right. The guy who made a big deal out of the international appeal that having lived in different cultures could bring? One. English. I have two. Ish. But two-ish is more than one.

So, does this mean that I'm a better citizen of the world by the President's own criteria? Does this mean that I care more about the poor than Vice President Biden? I mean, it's easy for these guys to get up there and say "we need to care more about the poor" and "we need to be better citizens of the world," but which of us has actually, you know, put our time and sweat into such things?

As a bonus, I guarantee you that my IQ is higher than VP Biden's, whose evaluation of his own IQ is apparently very important to him. Does this mean that if I ever have the chance to talk to him, I can basically tell him to shut his pie hole like he told that reporter? Gosh I hope so. That would be a blast. Although I do have a kind of soft spot for the guy. He seems to lack that news-ready filter most of the Federal-level politicians have, which makes him refreshing. Just says what's on his mind. Which, mind you, isn't much, but it's something at least.

Rep. Jason Altmire: Idiot

Before the November elections, House leaders allowed Democrats in "shaky" districts to vote against the majority on certain topics in order to retain their seats. My Rep. Jason Altmire (D-4th-PA), voted against the TARP bill, and made a big deal out of it. He won re-election. Of course, now that he's safe for a while, he's back on the stupid train. Yesterday, he voted to pass the almost $1 trillion "stimulus" package, which is better characterized as "a teensy tiny bit of stimulus underneath a giant stinking pile of badger dung."

Here's the letter I just sent to him (quotes are from his own web site):

"Economists from across the political spectrum agree that the fastest way to revive our economy is to put in place a robust, targeted and transparent economic recovery package that can create millions of new jobs,” you said. Unfortunately, that is not what you voted for. Economics have shown that tax cuts have a 3:1 return economically, while increases in spending show, at best a 1:1 return. This doesn't even mention the fact that the vast majority of the debt you voted for is simply going toward junk that in no way generates jobs or increases the quality of our national infrastructure. You continue: “Western Pennsylvania families will directly benefit from this legislation’s tax cuts and the funding it provides to repair our roads and bridges and modernize our schools." If that were all that was in the bill, I don't think there would be much argument about it. However, only around $90 billion of this stinker -- just over 10% -- is going to those things you mention. The rest is indefensible garbage. I've read the line item breakdown personally. And finally, you say "This economic recovery package is the path we need to take to pull our nation out of this recession.” So, you claim that the Federal government will pull our nation out of recession through this bill. Can you point out a single example in modern history where this has been the case? The best that government can do in recessionary times is to get out of the way -- i.e. tax cuts -- and let the people who actually work for a living do their jobs.

Finally, a look at your bullet points your website for this bill (H.R.1):

You claim: "Hard-working Pennsylvania families will get an immediate tax cut of $500 for individuals and $1000 for married couples." Is it really a tax cut? Which rate is being cut? Isn't this just a check in the mail? Please explain to me how simply giving out cash is a tax cut. A tax cut means that you lower (cut!) the rate of taxes, not that you collect the same level of taxes and later decide to issue checks.

You claim: "Small businesses and manufacturers will receive tax relief through extended small business expensing and an increase in the amount businesses can write off their taxes due to losses incurred over the last year." So, you're rewarding businesses that have taken a loss, but not ones that have done well. Do you have children? Do you know what happens when you reward failure and ignore success? And once again, "tax relief." If one requires "relief," it begs the question: relief from what? If a lowered tax burden is helpful to business, then why jump through these arcane hoops to get there? Just cut the tax rates. But that would mean you have less control, wouldn't it?

You state: "Pennsylvania will receive $1.5 billion to repair its highways and bridges and improve mass transit." So, even if the $852 billion in the bill were to be distributed equally among the states (which it won't), that would mean Pennsylvania would be in line for over $17 billion in funding. Most likely, it'll be distributed more closely with population, so PA will get even more than that. Do you find it odd that less than 10% of that amount is going to infrastructure, which is the way that this bill has been sold to the public? Where is the rest of that money going?

You state: "Schools serving children in Congressman Altmire’s district will receive nearly $60 million, which will help them repair, renovate, and modernize their facilities." I live in this district. Where the schools are weak, money isn't the problem, Jason. What strings come with this Federal cash? Won't this further addict local school districts to the Federal teat, making it harder still for them to say "no" when you yahoos in Washington increase your regulatory shenanigans?

Mr. Altmire, you and the rest of your Democratic friends in Congress own this heaping pile of crap one hundred percent. I will not just vote against you in the next election. I will now both donate to and volunteer for your opponent's campaign. You do not deserve to hold the office of Representative of the Fourth District of Pennsylvania.

Good day to you, sir.

Just Can't Do It Anymore

Okay, comrades... er... folks. I can't do that anymore. It was fun, and I had more material, but in the end, there was other stuff I wanted to be saying that I couldn't say in faux hardcore communist mode.

So here it is, and on this day I think it's particularly appropriate:

You're doing it wrong.

When George Bush was elected in 2000, I tried to alleviate some of my Democrat friends' horrible fears by telling them "You're not going to be able to do anything tomorrow you couldn't do today, and vice versa." And mostly, that turned out to be true. Sure, we got to keep a little more of our hard-earned cash, and world events came to bear as they always do. But the advice was accurate then, and still is.

The President of the United States, despite the fact that people call him The Most Powerful Man in the World, Leader of the Free World, Our Country's Leader, etc. is really just the head of the Executive branch of the Federal government. That's it. The position has some very specific, clearly delineated duties, which, despite what raving liberal pontificators have been screaming for the last eight years, remains true to this day. All of those domestic things that President Bush "did," and all of the plans and domestic whatnot that has been ascribed to Presidents throughout history, almost all of it had to pass through Congress. All of those grand plans the candidates talk about -- they are just proposals for Congress. Remember that when you think "Obama is going to this" and "Obama is going to do that."

So, like, don't get too hopped up about a new President.

But look around and listen. It's a new hope! It's time to start believing in government again! Finally, we can feel good about our country! Yea!

Here's a little secret (and it's really no secret if you've read the Founding documents and the letters and papers surrounding them):

We're not supposed to like the government. At best, we're supposed to tolerate it. At best, it's a necessary evil. It's the Big Fist. The government is a gun. Something no one really wants to have to have, but in the end, find that we do. And just like a gun, it must only be used with discipline, rarely, and with great discernment.

The rules of gun ownership are simple:

1. Every gun is loaded.
2. Know your target and what's behind it.
3. Never point your gun at something you're not willing to destroy.

I think those rules also apply to government.

1. Every law, tax, regulation and beauracrat is ready to do damage, whether you think they're perfectly harmless or not.
2. Before you use the power of the government to do something, makes absolutely sure of what you're using it for and the issues that surround it in case you plan doesn't work out like you hoped.
   
3. Never, ever, ever let the government handle something unless you're okay with it resulting in a smoking crater.

With that in mind, shall we talk about using the government for "changing things for the better?"

Change and goodness come from individuals -- from people like you and me -- not from a set of blind rules.

Don't fall in love with the people who hold the government's reins. It puts on them what should be on you. It can fool you into believing that a gun is a flower. It can fool you into believing that the person who holds the power to change the world lives in Washington D.C., instead of in your own home.

Don't fall for it. Let the new President do his job. But remember that his job is actually relatively small compared to the job that you have of living your own life with compassion, honor and discipline.

New Clothes and New Friends

When I started working in the world of Open Source software, it was kind of a revelation for me. All of the introvert qualities that had made it hard for me to talk to strangers or to feel comfortable in a large group situation were completely flip-flopped when I was on an Open Source "mission." I guess you could call me an introvert prone to topical extroversion.

But I've now noticed that this effect has spilled into another realm: politics. Every single time I wear my "I voted for Obama!" shirt while I'm out and about, people are so friendly to me, and I'm friendly right back. (Oh, you say, you didn't vote for Mr. Obama comrade! Wrong, sir! Wrong I say! How I marked my ballot in November is immaterial to whether or not I voted for Mr. Obama. That's history, which pales in comparison to current state of mind and intentions. In my mind right now, I voted for him, so please don't bring up the past.)

What's cool is that wearing gear that shows your loyalty to Mr. Obama puts you into an instant brotherhood. When I'm wearing that shirt, people will just come up to me and start telling me all kinds of neat stuff I didn't know before, personal stuff, stuff about George Bush I never would have guessed at. It's so cool. And "those people" (you know who I mean -- you'd probably not want to go to their neighborhood but they sure knew how to vote!) seem to acknowledge me too. I mean, they don't actually say anything, but I can tell by the way they're walking that they're thinking "Yeah man, he's cool." It's like we both know that, even without saying a word, we're sticking it to The Man.

The other side of that coin is that I can now tell who it'll be cool to talk to in public at a glance. Wearing a shirt that shows your loyalty? I know for a fact that I can walk up to you, start talking about anything (and by "anything" of course I mean "any approved thing" -- there's some stuff you just don't mention!), and we'll hit it off. It's almost like being a little kid again. "Hi I'm Frank. I like cheese." "Me too! Let's be friends!" Boom, done. It's that simple.

This way, it's easy to figure out who you should talk to and who you shouldn't. So I'm going to encourage you to show your support and loyalty for Mr. Obama openly. Maybe a pin we can all wear or some kind of uniform. Armbands are relatively unobtrusive. Just something that will let us know who's cool and who isn't.

The Pressure Is Off

There are a lot of pressures in a man's life. One of them is the notion that you have to keep doing better and better professionally in order to keep pace with everyone else. You must constantly be moving forward. Another, and this one applies especially to people of high skill and elite education, is the pressure to strike out on your own: create a new business or bring to market one of your great ideas, and in turn prove jobs and add wealth and goodness to the world.

I'm so very happy to note that with Mr. Obama, that pressure is finally off! No one is getting promotions or raises. No one is going out on a limb to start a small business. Simply by keeping my job and not taking a pay cut, I'm ahead of the game!

As we look ahead to the playing field being leveled by force (hatchet, axe and saw!), it's nice to know that the pressure on people like myself to excel is gone. Good riddance.

Christmas Isn't Coming

My wife and I were both noticing how in years past, we were always annoyed by the early display of Christmas items. This year, though, we've both experienced the same thing: we've wanted Christmas decorations and music for a couple of weeks now! It felt like things were running late, and that we should already be seeing Christmas stuff everywhere.

We finally realized why we feel this way: Christmas isn't coming. It's already here. It got here on November 5. Everyone who doesn't have a manger scenes up yet is late late late.

Papers Please

Even since I was a kid, I've enjoyed taking tests. Seriously. I can still conjure the feeling I'd get when the teacher would drop a math test on my desk in grade school -- a tingle up the spine, a wonderful prickle on the back of my neck, and then the answers just pouring down my arms to my fingers and out the pencil. Where did this fetishization of testing come from? Who knows. But the simple fact is that I crave evaluation.

And that is why I don't understand all of the complaints from people on the crazy right wing who were upset when "Joe the Plumber" (remember him?) was investigated by government officials who in turn handed over their findings to journalists. There was some pretty bad stuff about Joe in there. And, it seems, some irregularities in his paperwork. It doesn't matter that the searches were against regulations and sometimes the law. Remember -- purity of thought and intent trumps the trivialities of action.

Every right winger I know fumes when some street thug gets out on a technicality. Maybe some cop didn't follow the letter of the law for evidence handling or booking. The righties are perfectly happy to ignore those lapses of procedure in order to catch the bad guy. But something like this... nope. We have to follow the letter of the law, even though someone like Joe who clearly is guilty of worse things (tax lien, plumbing without a license anyone?) is walking around scott free. Regardless of the circumstances of how it came to be, Joe failed the test.

And really, isn't that the kind of world we all want to live in? One where we know that any aspect of our life could be up for official evaluation at the drop of a hat? I know it gives me that spine-tingly feeling I used to get. If Joe had been striving for purity of thought, instead of greedily pursuing the limelight and the almighty dollar, he would have paid attention to "little things" like licensing and staying current on his patriotic duty -- taxes.

That great phrase "Papers Please" (I can't remember who first said it) really sums it up for me. It's an invitation to prove your loyalty, your competence, and your ability to follow instructions. I look forward to hearing it a lot in the coming eight years!

Overheard

I got in an argument at work the other day with one of our crazy conservatives (I'm surrounded by them! Help!):

CC: "We need to let GM fail."

SSC: "Are you crazy? This is a great opportunity for some badly-needed top down control in that industry. Do you want all those people to lose their jobs?"

CC: "The problem is that right now, the presence of a company like GM is actually preventing another, better company from taking it's place."

SSC: "If that 'other company' is so great, why hasn't it already taken over?"

CC: "You mean like Toyota, Honda, Mazda and Nissan have?"

SSC: "They're foreign companies!" (He obviously doesn't get it.)

CC: "Look. By bailing out a company that's been utterly out-competed, you're stopping the next great American car company from finding it's market."

SSC: "We'll just wait and see what Mr. Obama thinks about this."

Which pretty much settled it. He closed his eyes for a minute, kind of rubbed the back of his neck and just walked away. I guess things like "logic" are too much for him. I'm pretty sure he was about to launch into some kind of assassination rant, so I didn't bother to follow up. I think I'll start carrying around a little recording device, though, in case someone really blows up and says something they shouldn't. I know that Pennsylvania has a two-party notification law for recording people, but I'm sure Mr. Obama would give people a pass on State law for national security reasons.

History Doesn't Matter Now

The Bible says that if we believe in the redeeming power of Jesus the Christ, our sins will be "lost in the sea of forgetfulness. Separated as far from us as the East from the West." And, while that may or may not be true, the lesson certainly holds for the current state of America. When you are set free by an incredible act of absolution, repentance and the demonstration of wisdom, a new era begins. As we have learned from history, when the fundamental rules of the universe change you cannot allow yourself to be constrained by old ideas and judgments.

And so it is, now that Mr. Obama has been chosen to rule the free world. Perhaps Mr. Fukiyama should write a new essay called "The Beginning of History," because that is truly where we stand. Things are different in a basic way from what they were just two weeks ago, and that gives us an enormous amount of freedom. It also lets us answer the haters who would seek to burden us with "lessons" of times that are no longer relevant. I'll throw up just a few for examples:

Criticism: Those "Yes We Can" posters look like communist propaganda, and the fact that they appeal to a certain type of cult-of-personality worshiper freaks me out. I'm buying guns.
Response: See, you're looking at this from the perspective of history, which is now invalid. It doesn't really matter if a graphic style has a particular appeal to a group of people who might share a common wiring scheme upstairs, and that historically those people tend to migrate toward a certain type of leader. It looks great! Very cool. End of story.

Criticism: Socialism is a major draw on economies. A robust one might tolerate a certain amount of socialist silliness, but if it gets out of hand it can set off a nearly-unstoppable chain reaction slide into mass dependence on government services, a failing private sector and the eventual flight of anyone capable of actually producing wealth.
Response: Once again, you're looking to history for your arguments, and that just doesn't play anymore. The rules have changed. Never before have the ideas and proposals at issue had such a perfect champion as we now have in Mr. Obama. Never before have the resources of such a nation as ours stood ready to answer the call of that champion.

Criticism: I'd like to believe that Obama will govern as a moderate, but the fact that almost all of his previous associations, friendships and education have been of the radical and Marxist variety (including a now admitted "family friendship" between the Obamas and the Ayers/Dohrn crew) really makes me wonder if we've been fooled.
Response: That's all in the past. It's history. This is a new day. All that matters is what Mr. Obama said during his campaign. His word is his bond. Or, should I say, his latest word is his bond. There were a number of times during his brilliant campaign when he was forced by circumstances beyond his control to recalibrate his statements. One conservative blogger was fond of saying "Every statement from Barack Obama comes with an expiration date. Every. One." Well, duh. You can't expect someone like Mr. Obama to remain beholden to history for the sake of merely avoiding the press playing "gotcha" with him on every word that comes out of his mouth when he has a revolution to run.

Remember folks -- when you're looking as far forward as we are, there is no way the past will ever catch up with you!